just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
