when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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