Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
