I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
