a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
