There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
