as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
