One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
