it was like eating out sand paper
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
