trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
