the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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