all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
