woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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