Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
