He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
