she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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