now i know why i became what i already was.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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