babies were throwing up all over the place
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
They are going to name an STD after you.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
