opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
