like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
