Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
