I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
