my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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