I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize