i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
