I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
40s are totally the cure
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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