that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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