I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
