Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
