we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
