if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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