im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
