I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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