I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
