My hair reeks of homosexuality.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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