At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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