1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
