I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
