I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
