i just wanna soil my oats bro
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
