I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
