he wants to bone in the snuggie
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
