Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
