Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
