Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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