apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
No subtext here. People are naked.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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