Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
