I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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