is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
