Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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